I've been sick a lot lately, and often the circumstances were such that I had to plod along in spite of low energy (low iron) and sometimes fever and dizziness. So when I read this (Mark 1:29-34), I thought: You healed her completely. She was 100 percent better. No lingering side effects, no lack of energy or weakness. She gets up and begins to serve because she is completely better.
But…I saw all that here because that's what I wanted to see.
It doesn't say that. It doesn't say anything about how she feels. The fever is gone - but that's all I know. She got up and served You, but is it possible she didn't feel 100% strong?
I'd like to say: No. If she hadn't, You wouldn't have gotten her out of bed.
But I can't say that.
I think that generally You don't expect me to serve or work through my illness, out of my emptiness. You are full of compassion. You know I am dust. You know my weakness.
But sometimes…
Sometimes You do ask me to serve out of my emptiness. Sometimes You do want me to get out of bed when I don't feel like I can. Sometimes You do want from me more than I think I can give.
I want to see here that You completely healed her and she was well and strong as if she had never been sick and THEN she served You, out of her wellness.
I want to see that because I'm afraid. I'm afraid You're going to ask me to serve You while I'm sick. I'm afraid You're going to ask me for something I'm afraid I don't have.
I'm afraid You're going to ask me for everything.
And maybe You will.
But if You do, You will enable me to give it. If You do, You will take my hand, and help me up. And like the fever left her, whatever would keep me from giving what You ask will leave me.
I don't want to have to serve out of emptiness, out of less than 100%. But You served me by and through Your death. You served me by dying.
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